Thursday, June 25, 2009


So it turns out I mistyped the URL of my new blog.

It should be

The URL is fixed now, so update links, if you would be so kind.

Friday, June 5, 2009

On a Personal Note

I've decided that this blog should be expanded. And by this blog, I mean a different blog.

Generally I post random stuff here that I think is funny. However, I never discuss things that I see that are interesting or stuff that I've done that I think is, again, interesting. It seems to me that I should separate them out since Google lets me have as many blogs as I want.

So here it is:

TuhDuh! Nateblog.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Toilet Paper

I think hippies are interesting -- at least the cute hippie girls I see running around with their unwashed hair and their generally cool taste in music. However, the hippie community produces some odd products from time to time.

For example, take the flagship product of Rainbow Gifts USA: Elephant Dung Paper. Now it isn't just called elephant dung paper, it really is paper made from elephant crap.

Their website talks about how Thai workers gather the poo from an elephant conservatory in Thailand from which they make odor free paper for use in things like scrap booking, writing letters to hemp-smoking loved ones, and I would assume other fun activities like wrapping delicious candies, or wiping your butt.

So here's a question: You remember that wood-chunk paper you learned to write your alphabet on in elementary school? Do they sell the same type of thing in elephant poo paper?

I usually think it's great to make full use of all your resources, but I'm just not sure I can see myself gluing photos of loved ones to the excrement of an elephant. Especially if the paper is chunky.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 is Awesome

I like words a lot. A whole lot. And when I find a list of cool new words, I get excited ( What's better than a list of new words? A really fast, high quality dictionary.

Check out It kicks some serious butt. Here's the top 11 reasons that come to mind about why this incredibly cool online dictionary rocks my and inevitably your proverbial socks clean off.

1) It is fast. And by fast I mean riding a shopping cart full of bottled water down the aisle in Costco and full speed fast. It's written with Ruby on Rails and implements a really clean design that brings results up quick. When you request a definition, it doesn't have to reload the whole page, just the info you need. And, with the exception of the logo it's all text. No ads, no needless images, no redirected content.
The net result: wicked fast.

2) You can add it to Firefox's search window. Just pull down the search window while you're on, and you can add it. This means when you're reading a book and don't know what a word means, you can just open up old Lappy, type the word into the search bar and there she blows, a definition.

3) Once it's added to the Firefox search, you can highlight a word on any web page and right click to the definition.

4) Built in spell check, which for me is a necessity. I believe it is using Google's spell check API, but I could be wrong on that. (Interestingly enough, My Firefox spell check add on is marking "Google's," "Firefox," and "API" as mispelled words.) In any case, the NinjaWords spell check works really well.

5) Many of the words come with synonyms, just in case you're too pompous to use the word that come to mind.

6) Related words show up as links, which will add another definition to the page you are already looking at. This means you can compare multiple definitions all at once.

7) Speaking of which, you can even put multiple words in separated by commas and get a comparative definition for all the words.

8) You can search straight from your address bar. For example, if you put in,coma you get a definition for the punctuation mark and one for the state of deep sleep.

9) Spartan yet clean and functional styling.

10) It keeps a running list of words you've looked up.

11) Random word picker - for when the OED or word of the day blows giant uninteresting chunks.

In short, I love this dictionary -- and that's coming from someone with access to the Unabridged OED online.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

< and > Don't Eat Anything

I was told something as a young rapscallious youth, something hideous, something incomplete, and just plain negligent.

They told me that the greater than and less than signs, "Eat" the larger number." While it may be true, that the big end of the symbol always points to the larger number, how is this helpful? Isn't it easier to know that it has a name, and that the numbers must be oriented accordingly?

It's all about the name, I tell you.

< is always called less than. If you see that symbol and you say anything other than less than, you're wrong. Geez, it's even shaped like an L which could remind you of its name if you forget.

> is always greater than. Al-freaking-ways greater than.

And what about when you aren't using numbers? X < Y. I want to know that X is less than Y, not that something is eating something else, so the one not being eaten must be less than the one which is being eaten, unless the symbol is anorexic in which case it is actually a thinner minus sign.

It's just so much better to say, "Oh, that symbol reads Less Than."

So here's my plea: Teachers, stop telling kids that they eat numbers. Symbols don't eat crap, they're symbols. If you don't know which number is larger or smaller than another number by looking at it and using the symbol, analogies to alligators or other carnivores won't solve that level of retardation.

Monday, January 19, 2009

24 Hours of Fun!

This weekend I entered the 24 hour LDS movie making marathon. I've never done a movie before, but I was working with my roommate who seems to have a certain competence when it comes to making kickin' movies. Being that it was my roomates, a buddy and I who would be working on the film, we decided in advacne we wanted to accomplish one simple goal: Blow some shiz up. That of course, means war movie.

So at 10:00 AM on Friday, we went down to the Scera in Orem (which, I'm sure should be pronounced scare-uh, despite disputations to the contrary). Soon the theme was announced. Sacrifice.

The heavens parted, angels sang, and we realized it was time to get the AK-47 blank adapters air mortars, and bullet hits ready. Come to think of it, we were making air powered bullet hit devices before the theme was even announced. Had the theme been "service" I'm pretty sure we would have been stuck doing something about doing service for the Russian mob. Instead, we did a movie about Chechian rebles being street contacted by LDS Missionaries. It was described by one person as, "the most violent church themed movie I've ever seen." Success.

After hours of work, the DVD finished burning and I ran it up to the Scera to drop it off -- 10 minutes before the deadline.

Upon returning home, we watched a copy of the DVD, to discover a small mistake in editing. One of the sound files didn't get cut quite right. After an Angry Russian gets done berating a missionary (the whole movie is in Russian, with English subtitles), it cuts to some action. After which you hear my roomate say, "Sweet a" You don't hear the whole word, so we're hoping no one at the screening notices the compeltely out of place English swearing.

Despite our foibles, I think the film is pretty dang good for being written, effects built, shot, and edited all in 24 hours. I'll post a link when we do some clean up on the initial edit -- for some reason, they're insisitnig that we take the English cussing out. Weird.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Isn't Punctuation Our Friend!!!1!?!

I have a pet peeve. It's the abuse of our common good friends: Excy the exclamation point, Questioney the question mark, and their host of other mistreated sentence ending buddies.

Let's start with Excy. He's just a little line and a dot. He never did anything to anyone, but people seem to treat him like he was a two-bit n-dash.

Excy has some great qualities. I like what they do in Spanish with the exclamation point -- how it sits in the front of the sentence saying, "Hey you, read this sentence with enthusiasm buddy!"(Otherwise you run the risk of not knowing to be excited until after you're already done reading it, and then everyone is sad inside.)

But some evil people believe that using several exclamation points is acceptable. Just like the question mark, some think that redundant punctuation is somehow helpful to their cause.

Many of you may be saying, "But Nate, I love my exclamation points!!1! Why should I stop using them, you punctuation fascist!?!?!?!? And What's wrong with ? marks???"

Fisrt of all Questioney has a name -- and it's not "? mark."

Second, does a reader know that your question is more of a question by your putting several question marks? Do I think your thought to be more important to me because you used nine exclamation points? (Answer: No.)

Here's the thing, in English we have superlatives. We have words that indicate interrogatives. We have lots of really useful words that indicate what we're feeling, thinking, etc. The punctuation mark only servers to clarify the intent of the sentence.

Multiple exclamation points, question marks, or other redundant punctuation at the end of a sentence only makes the reader think you haven't developed your ideas enough to express your thoughts using actual words.

The next time you feel the need to use excessive exclamation points or question marks, perhaps you should try using Rebus (Pictograms for words, like you did back in elementary school) instead of paragraphs.

Here's an example of how you should probably start writing:

had a

(Translation: I had a frontal lobotomy.)

As for me, I'm off to rip the exclamation point key off the keyboards of everyone in America. It's been abused too long, and I won't stand for it anymore!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Day Spectacular

Let's play a game! Pick the gubernatorial candidate with the most clearly identifiable mental ill . . . er uh, craz . . . er uh, oddity -- yeah, let's just call it most obvious oddity:

Jon Huntsman
Bob Springmeyer
"Superdell" Dell Schanze

I'll give you a hint: This was his entry in the Utah Voter Information Pamphlet
I have a basic belief in life. That no person should have "Super" in his name unless it is immediately followed by "Man" or ". . . eme Commander NATO Allied Forces."

Also, ideally in the case of the former, any such person is required to be from Krypton.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

EuroPower Pimp 2000

I give you the Euro Power P(i)MP 2000.

More Power, More Features, Less Weight (For today's body conscious pimp.)

Scanner Scan

Sometimes error messages are really useful. In fact, they often help you figure out what went wrong, and how to fix it.

However, what does one do when then get an error message on a PDA?

Why you take your PDA to your scanner and e-mail me the image result, of course!

I guess it works, but it's still freakin' ridiculous.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Man Ray for Teenagers

I saw this ad on the New York Times Website:

It's animated, so perhaps you can't see it here. But it takes a punny stand. It reads:

When When kids think Man Ray is a poisonous jellyfish, clearly there isn't enough art in our schools.

For those of you who don't know, Man Ray is a photographer with a weird name and, tastes that maybe we'll just call "salacious".

Take a look at the girl in the ad, then take a look at the first few hits on Google's Image results for Man Ray.

OK, actually, don't look at that link. It could get you fired if you're at work, but I wanted to make the point.

Naked women as the subject of art for teenagers first exposures to the fine arts?
-- Er, uh . . . maybe we should do less exposing of people and introduce from now on . (Or at least until they think that hanging a Marcel Duchamp print is just as cool as a Man Ray.)
Technically Dada, one could still safely call "The Fountain" by Marcel Duchamp Avante-garde.

Monday, September 15, 2008

One word:

No:What's with the shirt? Ergo Old Navy Delenda Est!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Power Dogs

There's a hot-dog stand near BYU campus, popular with the locals called J-Dawgs. Today at work, we visited J-Dawgs.

However, being so close to campus, it is really hard to find a place to park

Unless you work for the Power Company

There they were in line with their truck parked, admittedly with lights flashing, in the middle of the street.

If I had lights on my car, I would totally have done this too.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Bathroom Humor

There is a place in between Provo, Utah and Salt Lake City called Thanksgiving Point. Near this place is a gas station, and in this gas station is a men's bathroom.

In this bathroom, one will find this sign (assuming one has good hygiene and is looking for paper towels).

But does one find this sign in the women's restroom?

That's a negatory, Ghostrider.

One must wonder what constitutes "misuse of paper towels"? Further, how was this so consistent that they felt the need to remove paper towels from their restroom all together? It's as if the area suffers from a roving paper towel abusing gang.

Little do they know that havoc that can be wrought with a hand dryer . . . .

Monday, January 28, 2008

Embryo Imbroglio

I found this at the BYU bookstore's discontinued books shelf:

I have a few guesses as to why they are no longer using this as a text book.
Seriously though, The Haunting Fetus? That sounds like a really bad Sam Raimi movie.

The plot: all the babies that were aborted have come back to haunt their mothers and the doctors who preformed abortions.

The Haunting Fetus. Rated R. Now playing at theaters everywhere.

Monday, December 10, 2007

My Internet is Broken!

Now most IT people will tell you that phrase, "My Internet is down" bugs them because, well you have your own Internet?

But this one caught me off guard.

Now, to be fair, she was using a VPN and that failed on her, so she was wondering if there was issues in the office. Still, that has got to be the strangest instant message I've ever received.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Ergo, Oriental Trading Company Delanda Est

The Oriental Trading company, one of those places that will sell you 10 gross of plastic whistles for half a cent each has a catalog that came out for Christmas called "A Celebration of Faith."

Here's a sampling.

A whole section dedicated to things that say, what is arguably rather disrespectful things like, well see the beach ball.

Does this strike anyone else as a little odd?

Then how about the slap bracelets, the stress balls, the plates, napkins and banners and dozens of other items all emblazoned "Happy Birthday Jesus".

If that doesn't strike you as strange, how about the "Jesus loves you snow much" football or "Jingle for Jesus" bracelets, complete with jingle bells?

But lest we not feel like turning over the money changer's tables just yet, here's a final cherry:

This comes from the section titled, "All Aboard for Jesus".

Hilarious? yes.

Awful? Oh yeah.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Gas Mask

Just my average Saturday.

But the novelty of wearing a respirator wares off swiftly when you need it to actually breathe.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Good Touch, Bad Touch

I saw this in a public restroom the other day. (and yes, I decided to take a picture with my cell phone.)
Does anyone else think it creepy to have something called "Nice Touch" in a public bathroom?
"Now show me on this doll where the soap dispenser touched you."

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Find that smell

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me to come over to play "Find That Smell;" a game which one shouldn't play without a respirator. Unfortunately, wearing a respirator defeats the purpose of playing name that smell.

The smell first occurred when he steam cleaned the carpets in his room. Apparently, the cleaning process brought out the gremlins of smelly years gone past.

At the start of the game, my olfactory was confused by the pungent aroma of cat-pee-drenched cardboard that wafted liberally about the room.

In the end, the best I could offer was the analysis that his room smelled like wet cardboard . . . no, on second thought, cardboard made wet by urine.

So it is with such places. Hopefully a second, or third good steam cleaning will do the trick.

Work Discussions

I got back to my desk at one point today to find I've been included on an IM between one of our receptionists and one of our techs.

Jeanine says:
ticket # 70290 is close to expiring. Can someone take this call or let me know when they can call back?
Garret says:
Kate Forster (Sandra Bullock) is moving out from her lake house, built all of it with glass. She is a doctor and has just begin to work in a hospital in Chicago, moving to a new flat in the center of the city. Alex Wyler (Keanu Reeves) is the new owner of the lake house, a young architect who's working in the construction of a new complex of houses at the city skirts. Alex and Kate are maintaining a correspondence, talking about the house matters, sending each other letters, which are put in the lake house's letter box. But a strange thing is happening. . . .dun dun dun
Jeanine says:
Garret what are you doing?
Garret says:
Jeanine says:
Can someone take this ticket?
Garret says:
The lake house
Jeanine says:
just take the ticket!
Garret says:
best story of all time
Jeanine says:
Yes, I recognized the synopsis!
Garret says:
I'm taking 70263

Just so odd . . .

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

quod me nutrit me destruit

I heard this phrase for the first time today. "quod me nutrit me destruit" It means "That which nourishes me destroys me."

Then I saw the girl who usually shares desk space with me.

Oh Wendy, Quod me nutrit me destruit!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I've been trying to get a photo of two guys who've I've nicknamed "The Ferry Stoners."

The come by the office here, walk down into the trees by the river and toke on up.

The amusing part is when they come back. One of them, a very emo, girl-pant wearing nappy hair having, dude loves to dance.

And we love to watch.

When they come, you might find a dozen or two people standing in plate-glass windows watching the Ferry Stoner do his ferry stoner dance.

It took a while before we figured out it was a dude. When I get a picture, I'll be sure to share it.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Graduated Urinal

I just had what I think could be a stellar idea -- a new fad even.

The Graduated Urinal.

You could have little marks that indicate the volume of Urine expelled.

Now girls might think this disgusting, but guys will have to admit, when they watch the urinal fill you can't help but ask yourself, "I drank 32 oz of coke, how much am I now getting rid of?"

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


My time at the Daily Herald is done. Finished. Over. And I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

So, instead of listing my complaints about our lil' Provo rag, I'll simply say this:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO. Or, to me more in theme with the way I, and this man would usually say it, Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

You and Me and the Bottle Makes Bleed

So I was at the farewell shin-dig for two betrothed gentlemen, whom we call "the Daves." The Daves are getting married on the same day, both to women named Sara.

I sat there drinking my old timey sarsaparilla, discussing the fact that there were no women of ill repute at such bachelor parties, when I realized that there is no way I could break that bottle over someone's head, ala Jackie Chan movies. (I use Jackie Chan movies because he is on my Carl's Jr. coke.)

When I pointed this out, it was realized that you were more likely to bloody someone's head with the thing long before it broke. And if it did break, it would break at the weakest point, the neck of the bottle where you are holding it.

So there you would stand, bloody handed looking as retarded as you are holding the neck of a busted bottle.

Then I was sad inside, because I knew that I would never get to break a bottle open on the end and threaten a rapscallious bar fighter with it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Press Pass

I just realized that I have no earthly idea where I left my press pass. That is probably a bad thing because it is kind of important to have at say, press events.

I should look into this.